Renew Confidence In Your Roles
Think about how often things change in life. From starting and ending projects, to changes in employment, and even the biggest changes that come with births and deaths. Roles shift and change at different ages and stages of life.
These roles are huge and take a lot of time and energy to cultivate and sustain in relationships.
It’s important to pause and notice what roles you’re taking on.
Where do you spend your time and energy? How do you feel about it?
HOW DO YOU WEAR YOUR ROLES?
Certain roles can make us feel comfortable or confident when we wear them, like a favorite sweater. Other roles can feel heavy, or just fit wrong, but we’ve been wearing them for so long we’re not sure how to get out of them.
When you do inventory on this “closet,” you may find you need to resign from or replace some of your roles. For example, I used to enjoy cooking all of the family meals in my role as wife, but now that I’m working again, I don’t want to also be the house chef anymore.
The simplest way to empower yourself within your roles is by repeating these steps as often as feels necessary:
(Re)Define your roles for yourself
(Re)Define your needs within each role you wear
Communicate this out loud with the people involved
YOUR OWN INNER DIALOGUE IS ALWAYS A GREAT STARTING POINT
We always recommend journaling to materialize your thoughts more concretely. As you think about the roles you wear in your life, write out your answers to the following questions:
What roles does my life currently demand of me?
What roles do I choose for myself freely?
What are my desires for each of these roles?
How do I relate to these roles I wear? Am I happy, proud, resentful?
How am I supporting, or sabotaging, myself in my roles and goals?
How can I better support myself?
What do I need from others to feel supported in this role?
Are there any old roles I need to resign from?
Are there any new roles I need to affirm myself in?
How do I create safe and positive inner dialogues around my roles so that I can thrive in them? (Example: Practice Positive Affirmations.)
By first building an understanding of your roles and how you relate to them, you create a strong foundation to communicate about them with the other people in your life.
LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE YOUR ROLES IMPROVES YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Even within stable, long-term relationships--whether with intimate partners, family, friends, coworkers or employers--our roles are always changing.
Often we just let these big changes happen, and let it all tumble down until someone feels unseen, unappreciated, disrespected, taken advantage of, etc. We silently hope or expect others to support us and hold us in a role that, in reality, they have no clue we’re even trying to fulfill. That person may likewise feel neglected in the role they play in our life, while we similarly fail to acknowledge and support them in their role.
These feelings are typically unnecessary--due to a basic lack of understanding--and can be avoided through positive communication.
In general, the people in your life do want to support you in your roles and goals. It is up to you to help them do that, by defining clearly what those are and your specific needs within them.
When you demonstrate the courage to say, “This is who I am and this is what I need,” you earn other people’s respect, and you also earn the chance to be seen in the way you want to be seen.
COMMUNICATING YOUR NEEDS GIVES OTHERS THE INFORMATION THEY NEED TO NAVIGATE THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU
The best thing you can do for yourself is to communicate what you feel your role is. For example, “Even though I work from home now, my role as a professional is still important to me.”
And you must also communicate your needs within those roles.
What do you need to feel seen, respected, and supported?
Following the above example, you might continue this conversation with your spouse by saying,
“I’m asking you to support me in this role that is important to me. What I need to feel supported is to not be interrupted unless there is an emergency in the house.”
However, you would continue this conversation with your boss differently. And you would continue this conversation with yourself differently still. What do you need to do to support yourself?
Your roles are always changing depending on who they exist in relationship to.
THE SIMPLE PRACTICE OF TELLING PEOPLE WHAT YOU NEED CAN BE TRANSFORMATIVE
Life circumstances, roles, and needs exist in a triangle of interrelated movement. As one changes, the others change, too. In family dynamics, friendships and working relationships, your roles and goals often need to be renegotiated.
Always communicate to clarify, so that there isn’t unnecessary conflict.
We hope to inspire more open communication on this topic in all of your relationships.
